Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Rape 'jokes' are not okay. Rape culture is not okay. RAPE is not okay.

Fuck you CNN, fuck this misogyny, fuck the notion that a girl who was raped could possibly be in the wrong. I hate this, I hate this idea that rape is some sort of innocent mistake that is somehow justifiable if the victim is bad mouthed enough, as if her suffering isn't enough already. Because you know what, I'm done with this. I. Am. Done. Already.

Unpopular opinion: every time you laugh at a rape 'joke' you're encouraging rape culture. Rape 'jokes' aren't funny and rape can't be excused. It's uncomfortable, you won't want to believe it, it's a terrifying truth but, sadly, rape happens, and as many as one in four women will be sexually assaulted. You might not know who, but I can guarantee you'll know at least one girl who's been a victim. More than that, with numbers that high, you also know someone who assaulted. And that's even more of a worry because contrary to the pervy mustache myth, you can't tell a sex offender just by looking at them. But, we live in a culture that blames victims of the most degrading of crimes and tells women it's their fault because they drank too much but it's not the perpetrator's fault because, what the hell, they were drunk/smart/are really sorry so does it even matter?

I don't want to live in a society that says that's okay. I don't want to be on my guard or have to walk home in groups and avoid certain parts of town. Except it's not even in a dark alley, you're more likely to get raped by someone you know anyway and hell, if you're showing any hint of cleavage you're obviously gagging for it anyway. I want my daughters to live in a world where if they say no because they're too tired, because they're not really feeling it, because they don't fancy him, because they're happy just kissing, because they don't even want to justify why not then their no won't be questioned and it will be respected. And, in the most awful circumstance where it's not, they're not branded frigid or told 'but you seemed into it at the club' or told anything that justifies what happened, but society instead embraces them and endeavors for it to not happen at all.

Because no way should this medieval crime be still happening at all in 2013, certainly not in such staggering numbers. As absolutely abhorrent as the Delhi gang rape was, we shouldn't need iron bars and the woman to die for us to be shocked. We should wince and recoil every time a story comes to light instead of feeding the disease of a misogynistic culture that only allows the most dramatic version of a crime to be something above a joke. We should allow survivors to feel supported, that their claims will be taken seriously and that they will be safe. I am done with this attitude, I am done with the lack of reportings, I am through with this.

If you've been equally angered by recent rape coverage by CNN or just generally pissed off by attitudes to rape then get in on this.

23 comments:

  1. Brilliant and passionate response to something that is going over most people's heads. CNN should be ashamed of their coverage; they broadcast to millions of people and yet no mention of the victim? No suggestion that these vile individuals needed to be punished. 3 years shared between just two of the perpetrators and not a single shred of outrage to this injustice. We live in a rape culture and anyone who denies it needs to take an educated look around. Women are not sub par, women are not weak, but we make up the huge majority of rape victims whilst men make up the huge majority of rapists. End the stigma, stop slut shaming and never ever give up talking about things like this! You're doing a hell of a lot of good just writing something like this. Thankyou.

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    1. Thank-you so much for this comment, but also for your shared passion and your lack of fear in sharing your opinion and adding to this so important reclaim of womanhood xo

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  2. The problem isn't how only extreme cases of rape are reported. The problem is extreme cases of ANYTHING bad are only reported. For example, recently in the news I saw them covering LINDSAY LOHAN possibly being jalied for more than 90 days, SHOCKING. Instead of, say for example 25,000 people die everyday in Africa every day of hunger. Which news broadcaster do you see reporting that? Bad things happen all the time, and of course rape isn't good but the truth of the matter is that news broadcasters are there to make money, and reporting 'ordinary' rape cases won't catch much attention and therefore won't make them much money if they cover that story. Instead they cover stupid shit that some stupid, ignorant people find interesting. That's my opinion concerning your statement about lack of reports on rape.

    However, the problem with some 'rape' victims are, it's difficult to know whether they decided to have sex with a person whilst drunk then regretted it afterwards, claiming rape to hide their guilt. I'm not saying that all cases of rape are like this, most likely the minimum but I have heard and seen cases online (not official, but nonetheless doesn't make them fake) where both a guy and girl were drunk, had sex but she regretted it and just claimed it was rape afterwards - and the guy gets fucked over. So it's difficult to know if there's no hard proof evidence of the girl saying no verbally or through body language - because the claim may be real or the girl may just be a very good actress. What is your opinion on this?

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    1. *25000 people in Africa die everyday
      Sorry about that.

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    2. hmm, you make interesting points and your points are completely true, but you make it out like it's an equal problem which sadly it ISN'T and whilst there are instances in which women lie about getting raped and yes that is completely wrong and terrible and should never happen but it's also a tiny amount in comparison to the amount of women who do get raped and the amount of women who never report it because they're terrified.
      It is not an equal problem and pretending it is only contributes to rape culture, PLUS even then (and obvz some women even if it is only a tiny minority do; around 8% according to the FBI) how do you even know they are lying?

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    3. Your final question is exactly the problem I was pointing out.

      I was in no way pretending that they are equal problems, I was simply pointing out those problems too.

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    4. I think it's also important to remember the scale though, just because a tiny minority of people do it, doesn't mean it justifies a culture of victim blaming and of women too scared to report what happened to them which is a huge issue. Whilst it is true that a lot of rape cases aren't looked into as much as they deserve due to a lack of interest by news casters/celebrity fall out being deemed more newsworthy a lot of them just aren't reported at all because not only do we live in a rape culture, but hand in hand with that is a culture of fear. Fear that they will strike again and that this time it'll be worse, but also fear that they won't be believed. There's only so much we can blame on Lohan and Fox news this time. For the record as well, not sure where you're posting this from but in the UK I've not been aware of any major broadcaster coverage of Lindsay Lohan.

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    5. I am from the UK. What I'm saying is we can't even be sure that it's a tiny minority of people that do it - that isn't to degrade or accuse those who are telling the truth though.

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  3. I disagree with the idea that this is a rape culture because rape is considered ilegal. You see, society express their values trough the law, so by making it ilegal it is an expresion of the value of women in society.
    If there is something wrong in society is that we live in a fart culture, farting is legal and there are too many fart jokes around.

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    1. BOOM! thank-you. Thank-you for trivilaizing this matter, this traumatic crime and comparing it to farts. Thank-you very much. Because whilst your comment angers me, you have also shown my point; you have proved this misogynistic attitude is all around us and women across the world are faced with it day in and day out.

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    2. Same guy as the news guy, not meaning to be pedantic but the phrase 'thank you' is two words, not hyphenated :P

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    3. well congratz mate, you are pedantic! One can only assume it's because you have no real argument yourself? Also THANK YOU coz you're merely proving the point yet again that you would find any way out of admitting you contribution to a culture which trivializes rape; but I guess they're mostly liars anyway so it doesn't really matter? Douchebag.

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    4. And to think I tried being nice and civilized about my thoughts. 'they're mostly lying' I FUCKING SAID 'most likely the minimum' OH MY GOD. I contribute to 'rape culture' how?! WHAT THE FUCK.

      You are fucking retarded.

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    5. awh, well thanks for the effort anyway mate! Although before you congratulate yourself too much you didn't actually seem too nice to me.
      Also, not sure if you noticed by reading my actual post, but I'm not in the best of moods tonight, so I don't know why you thought I'd be compassionate and understanding about your view, in particular when you've not even had the balls to leave a name.

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    6. The fuck is the point of leaving my name? It won't do me any good now that I've raged at you and I doubt it'll do you any good either -t t has nothing to do with rape nor the subject I was talking about.

      Now you're just mentioning irrelevant bullshit.

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    7. lololol bet I know youuuu
      it's funny coz I really don't give a shit about the nitty gritty of your opinion because when it comes down to it, I'm pretty sure you're the one on MY page reading what I have to say and boosting the number of views on MY blog. Cheers!

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    8. You're absolutely welcome! And no, you don't know me and I don't know you either (I know of you). But seriously.

      The sad truth in the world is that there are always gonna be cunts that are desperate to get some, any way they can. You may think that's one of my faults to think that there should always be selfish men, but I'm sorry if you don't think there'll always be sad, twisted people like that - because if you don't you are just simply naive. Therefore the safest bets for girls going on nights out is to not wear such slutty dresses, because people WILL use that as an excuse.

      You say that girls shouldn't be scared to wear a slutty dress out because guys shouldn't rape just because of that, but the sad truth is that rapists are more likely to go for those type of girls.

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    9. Some people do got for that and it sucks and sadly that is going to inevitably continue for a long time (although potentially it will decrease).
      BUT it's not actually as commonly used an excuse as you might think because rapists aren't some weird other breed who uncontrollably salivate at any woman in a crop top; so what would you advise those who were raped by their friends/boyfriends/partners/family members to wear?

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    10. Indian Nunan, you talked about your feelings, but you did not talked about my arguments. Please try harder, you dont give the apperance of a smart human being.

      "By rape being illegal it denies the argument of the existance of a rape culture."

      Focus, you can do it.

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  4. Exactly how I feel- I just couldn't articulate it that well! Rape jokes are not even jokes- they aren't funny! Someone made a joke at me yesterday because I went out wearing a skirt and heels and said I was asking for it...when I responded by telling them how its never asking for it etc...I was called a 'ridiculous feminist'. Its so hard to make people get the message in today's society.
    Keep up with the great work!

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    1. thank-you so much :)
      sucks so much that you got that response, hopefully though, if we keep up our efforts in smashing what society thinks a feminist should look like then EVENTUALLY perceptions should change xo

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  5. Well done on writing on an important topic. I agree with your point of view. However your written argument is poorly structured and there are many inaccuracies.
    You say you're "done with this"? You're "through with this" What does that mean? Your 'Americanisms' really lower the tone of the article, as if its written by a stereotypical air-headed cheerleader.
    "this idea that rape is some sort of innocent mistake" - definitely not an idea that 99.99% of the population would have about rape. Please be more explicit.
    "It's uncomfortable, you won't want to believe it, it's a terrifying truth but, sadly, rape happens" - That much is obvious. This phrase is patronising to the reader.
    "Except it's not even in a dark alley, you're more likely to get raped by someone you know anyway and hell, if you're showing any hint of cleavage you're obviously gagging for it anyway" - This sentence is very unclear. You start with one point, that you are more likely to be raped by someone you know and then make no argument about it. You just tail off with irrelevant sarcasm. Very poor.
    "We shouldn't need iron bars and the woman to die for us to be shocked" - That is a ridiculous and unfair generalisation. Of course the most shocking part was the brutal gang rape, your statement is insulting to most people who understand the horrible crime of rape.
    Your argument is well-meaning but the poor writing detracts from it. I think its wonderful you hold this view and are inspired to write about it but this could be so much better, I was disappointed.

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    1. hmmm, I don't know if you read my blog/have written anything else I've written, but if you have you'll probably have noticed that this is not written in my usual style. Like with this post, I take inspiration from the media or my own experiences and I write about them, usually going over them again and again, referencing and putting in statistics to back up my point, editing and basically snogging my thesaurus the whole time. I only ever write about stuff that means a lot to me, there's a ridiculous amount of passion behind everything I choose to write about (because of the creepy amount of work I put into everything on here)and I'm always looking for feedback and ways to develop my writing.
      On a technical level, this is far from my strongest piece I've ever written, mostly because I was very angry when I wrote this, but also because I made the decision to write straight from the heart and express everything I was thinking in that moment and to not go back and edit it (there's quite a bit of grammar that could be improved on and a few times I repeat words pretty close together). I also am constantly referring to the recent press coverage in the USA of the Steunbenville Rape.
      You're a lucky person, you've either not had to personally deal with sexual assault yourself or from someone close to you, or if you have you/the person you knew was dealt with all round support, I wish there were more people with your attitude, that 'duh, rape is a crime! it's ridiculous it still happens and I am shocked it continues to!' sadly that is not as commonly held view as I wish it to be or you seem to think it is.

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